Thursday, May 15, 2014

Life Coaching, Montana-style


Their beef (sorry, couldn’t resist that one)?  They want $15 an hour.

Well, good luck with that.

They interviewed a KFC worker from Brooklyn, one Naquasia LeGrand.

She has worked as a cashier at Kentucky Fried Chicken for three years in Park Slope, an affluent neighborhood in Brooklyn. She makes $8 an hour and pays $1,300 a month for her apartment. She says fast food workers all over are struggling to survive. "We live in New York City--a multi-billion dollar city," she said. "These corporations are taking everything from us."

Really?  They’re taking everything from you?  Those bastards!  How are they doing it?  Do they have a gunman outside who demands your check from you on your way out each payday?  Has KFC hired hackers to strip the funds from your bank account? 

Oh, wait…they’re giving you a check?  They are paying you for your labor?  I’m pretty sure that’s not the definition of “taking.”



Really, if you want to look at who is “taking everything” from you, look at the state you’re living in.  You have the highest taxburden of any state.  You have rent controls, which are supposed to keep rent affordable but have actually decreased availability and affordability of housing.  $1300 a month for an apartment?  I’m going to be paying less than $900 a month for a house I’m buying.

It’s not a heck of a lot better on the West Coast.  The Shieldmaiden (who, by the way, has experience on the bad side of the register) has a former fellow student from her first college complaining about the cost of living versus his income.  Well, Cali is #45 for tax burden, and it, too has rent control, plus the further complication of free space laws.

Which brings us to my patented Improve Your Life Plan:

Stop whining and change.

Phase 1:  move.

“Go West, young man,” is still good advice.

In Bozeman, MT, McDonalds pays $12-14 an hour.  That’s almost what I made with a frikkin’ 4-year degree.  Montana has the #6th lowest tax burden.  

According to city-data.com, Bozeman has a cost of living index of 94.3% of the US average.  Brooklyn has a 619.8%.  You can snag an apartment in Bozeman for over a grand less than that Brooklyn apartment.  LA is 135.3%, by the way.

If you go to the Bakken, you’d probably make $18.  Granted, housing’s almost as hard to find in the oil fields as in Brooklyn, but hey, it ain’t no $1300 a month.  In Williston, the cost of living index is 79.9%.

And before anybody says the Bakken is going to bust, it looks like it should be good for the next three decades.  Given that people with a GED are making over $100,000 a year (some prefer making $70,000 in nine months and going south for the winter, which after my first winter here, I thoroughly understand), that’s plenty of time to bank a poop-ton of money for when it does stop.

Which brings me to Phase 2 of the Improve Your Life Plan:

Change jobs.

Mike Rowe has been a huge boon for manual jobs.  I love his show and his work philosophy.  The only thing I wish he would mention on his show is how much money you can make if you’re willing to put up with jobs no one else wants to do.  Though, he does mention it here.

A coworker of mine's father recently sold his ranch.  Before he quit, he had a husband and wife team of farmhands.  He paid them half again as much as Ms. LeGrand is making…each.  Then he tacked on no-rent housing in an actual house on the farm.  Which, incidentally, also removed commuting costs.  Then, he sprung for their groceries.  Then, he sprung for their medical bills, including braces for their daughter.  For Pete’s sake, I had to pay for The Shieldmaiden’s braces, and we had a dental plan!

They were awfully cute, though.

Or if you want more, you can take that job in Bozeman and hit the local community college for your CNA.  Move up here and work at Valley View.  Within a year, you’ll be making $15 an hour, and you won’t even have to threaten to walk off to get it.

So, maybe you have to slave over a pile of poop, instead of a deep-fryer.  But I have it on good authority that the smell of bodily fluids airs out of clothes much faster than fast food deep-fry grease.

Let’s make it personal.  A little over a year ago, my family was in sad shape.  We had mounting debt.  My employer, Mountain State Health Alliance was broke and getting broker so pay raises weren’t exactly a big priority.  We had a nice house, but it was costing more than we could afford.

Worst of all, my job was second and then third shift.  I didn’t see the Dot and Lump for days at a time.  There may have been a day shift opening in the works, but that would have lost me my shift differential, which was 12% of my pay.

It was so bad, that for once, I didn’t delete the travel employment agency email in my box.  It advertised a job in Atlanta making a lot of money.  I short-noticed my boss (I really am sorry, Mary Ruth), and I went for it.

It didn’t work out that well.

As the end of the contract neared, I needed another job.  There were two jobs in Ohio paying a couple bucks more an hour than I had been making.  There was another position in Montana making quite a bit more.  Doubtful the Shieldmaiden would ever go for it, I still applied on a lark.  More of as a joke, really.
I told her and she rolled her eyes and said no way we were moving to the middle of nowhere.  She may have…ah…”emphasized” that statement.

The Ohio jobs were dragging their feet, and the place here had already given me a firm offer.  But given the distance from family, we were running numbers to see if we could survive two weeks without a paycheck.  We could have if I hadn’t buried two cars in 6 weeks thanks to crappy Georgia drivers, but I’m not bitter or anything…

Then I mentioned that the bright side of the Montana job was that it was day shift.  Somehow, I had failed to mention both Ohio jobs were seconds.  The Shieldmaiden’s reply?  “Oh, no.  We are not doing that again.”  Again, she may have emphasized that a bit more.

Now, I see my kids every day.  I net more than I grossed in TN.  We’re buying a house.  I have insurance that will make getting the Dot’s head surgery half-way affordable.  All it took was the courage to move.  Not on my part, because I was just operating on logic, but the Shieldmaiden officially has a pair of brass ovaries that drags the ground.

Or maybe it was just love for our growing family.  I was the sole breadwinner in TN (still am), but I was not providing much emotional support (and honestly wasn’t adequately supplying the bread, either).  We did what we had to do for the good of our children.  Sure, it took a little sacrifice—I don’t get to watch nearly as many B movies anymore—but it was worth it.

While the unnamed Californian in question probably just didn’t read the right books, perhaps he was a Breaking Bad fan and remembers this line:

What does a man do, Walter?  A man provides for his family…When you have children, you always have family.  They will always be your priority, your responsibility.  And a man?  A man provides.  And he does it even when he’s not appreciated, respected, or even loved.  He simply bears up and he does it.  Because he’s a man. - Gus

Or if you prefer a true story from someone who isn’t an amoral, ruthless drug kingpin:

My dad grew up back and forth between Kentucky and Virginia because his father was a coal miner. And when my dad was fourteen my grandpa came home and told my grandma to load up the truck 'cause they were gonna move. And when they took off they were going the wrong way—she just assumed they were going back to Virginia—and they were headed somewhere else. So my grandma said, "John, where in the world are we going?" And my grandpa said, "Well, Rose, we're going to Detroit." And she said, "Why in the world are we going to Detroit?" And he said, "Because I don't want my boys to grow up to be coal miners." And so they got as far as Indiana and ran out of gas—and that's how I got here. – Rich Mullins

What did Mullins’s grandfather know about farming?  Probably Jack Crap, but by the time he passed, he owned his own.  What did I know about 25-bed hospitals and sub-zero cold?  Roughly as much.

Eventually every adult comes to a place where he (she) must nut up (ovary up) or shut up.  If you don’t, quit whining so I can go back to my regularly scheduled human interest stories.  I hear a cat saved a boy from a dog attack.

And a side note for those without anyone they care about enough to find a different job or move to BFE, the Beach Boys weren’t kidding about Mid-west farmers’ daughters and Northern girls.  I can officially say that, because after surviving a -40 winter, the Shieldmaiden officially qualifies as a Northern girl.

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