Many

The basement of the fine arts building on a Southeast campus

Chanting can be heard as the camera moves down the hallway toward a pair of double doors with faint candlelight flickering through.

Goth 1: “And now, we shall read from the Necronomicon.”

Goth 2 hands old volume to him.

Goth 1: “This is not our Necronomicon.”

Goth 2: “Sorry, I spilled my coffee on ours last night at Denny's. I found this one.”

Goth 1: “Where?”

Goth 2: “The library. Weird thing, it was on a shelf by itself. Looks really old.”

Goth 1: “Well, I guess it will just have to do.”

As the rest of the members chant lowly, Goth 1 begins to read.


Morning. Main quad.

Redneck Ag Student:  “I still think they should allow squirrel hunting on campus.”

Redneck WFS Student:  “Agreed.  The overpopulation is obviously having some detrimental effects on both their size and their behavior.  I mean, I’ve been here three years, and they’re clearly becoming overly accustomed to humans.  Look at that one:  it’s coming right toward us with no sense of fear.”

Sociology Student 1:  “Does it ever occur to you rednecks that maybe animals are our friends?  That interaction between the species can be welcomed?”  Turns to squirrel.  “Here little guy…”

Squirrel’s eyes turn red as it springs forward to rip Sociology Student 1’s throat out.  Redneck Students exchange glance, then run for their pick-ups.


Fine arts basement

Goth 1: "The demon horde we summoned appears to go by the collective name 'Legion' and can either inhabit thousands of animals of a single given species or a single human."

Goth 2: "And it chose squirrels?"

Goth 3: "Well what else were there thousands of nearby?"

Goth 1: "The only way it can be banished is by killing all its hosts at once. Killing an individual animal will only allow the spirit inside to be free to inhabit another of that species."

Goth 2: "So we have to find a person, transfer the horde into him, and then kill him? Seems cold."

Goth 3: "Do you have a better idea?

Goth 1: “And it has to be a virgin.”

Goths all look at each other.

Goth 2: "Well, I'm not volunteering."

Goth 1: "Me, either."

Goth 3: “This is a college campus! Where else are we supposed to find a virgin?”

Goth 2: “Got $50?”


Social sciences building

Sociology professor:  “I never thought I’d be privileged to see the rise of another species to parity with humans.  Think about what we could learn from each other.”

Sociology student 2:  “But they’re killing people.”

Blood splatters on window behind her for effect.

Psychology professor:  “We cannot project our beliefs of what constitutes acceptable behavior onto another culture, though.  We do not know how their minds work.  What do you think, Philosophy?”

Philosophy professor:  “I think Nietzsche was a moron.”

Psychology professor:  “What does that have to do with anything?”

Philosophy professor:  “Nihilism and moral subjectivity are irrational points of view, as any of my 1010 students could explain, so I cannot fathom why the administrators insist that I belong in the same department as you idiots.  A rodetnian apocalypse is upon us, and I have to spend it listening to drivel! I just hope this building doesn't represent the best minds our campus has to offer!"


Engineering building

Engineering student 1, staring out window through binoculars: "Looks like their eyes turn red when they attack."

Engineering student 2, entering data into computer model: "Could be useful. What's their mass?"

Engineering student 1: "What do I look like, a Biology major?"

Engineering student 2: "Fine, I'll just assume they're all 2 kgs and spherical."


Basement of fine arts building

Goth 3: “Do you think he found a virgin?”

Goth 4: “I hope so. I don't really have $50 to spare.”

Goth 1: “Let's just get the circle drawn for when he gets here.”

Goth 2 shoulders open door, dragging along a person with a pillowcase pulled over their head.

Goth 2: “I did it!”

Goth 3: “Sweet!”

Goth 4: “Are you sure she's a virgin?”

Goth 2: “Umm...she?”

Goth 1 rips case from prisoners head, revealing a scared wide-eyed face covered in acne and Mountain Dew: Code Red stains.

Goth 1: “Yes, you dumbass! It's supposed to be a virgin woman!”

Goth 2: “Oh. Well, you didn't specify!”

Goth 4: “So what did you spend my $50 on?”

Goth 2: “Umm, a World of Warcraft account. Most reliable source of guys that have never been laid.”


Chemistry professor’s office

Professor: “So let me get this straight. You read an incantation from a book inked in human blood and bound in human skin, thereby summoning a demon that now wants to eat your souls, and you expect me to bail you out of it?”

Goth 2: “Yes?”

Professor: "After you tried to cold-bloodedly sacrifice an innocent to save your own butts?"

Goth 3: "Well, to be fair, he is just a drama major."

Professor: "Point taken, but I still fail to see why I should help you."

Goth 1: “Look, you're the only ordained faculty member any of us know of.”

Professor, reaching for well-worn Bible:  “Fine, but this is coming out of your lab grade.”   Begins to leaf through pages.

Goth 2:  “Do you really think he’s going to find an answer?”

Security Chief:  “Shut up.  You started this.”

Professor:  “Look, all the gunfire from the biology building is already making it hard to concentrate.  Zip it!”


5th floor lab of biology building

Redneck WFS Student:  “How are we on ammo?”

Redneck Ag Student:  “Few thousand rounds left.  They just keep coming, though.”


Engineering building

Montage of computer modeling and drafting, with engineering students debating designs.


Chi Alpha building

Student runs by flailing as red-eyed squirrel attacks hims back.

XA student 1: "Here comes another!"

XA student 2: "Over here! Over here!"

Student runs toward XA building. Squirrels eyes go blank and it falls off as student crosses the sidewalk.

Attacked student: "What happened?"

XA student 1: "Hallowed ground. The demons can't come here."

XA student 2: "I just pity any campus ministry that doesn't have their own building."

RUF bachelor pad

RUF guys stand in front yard with cigars and scotch. Ambulance comes weaving by and crashes into telephone pole nearby. EMT falls out with half a dozen bloody-mouthed squirrels on his back. Squirrels look up from their dead prey. Squirrels charge toward RUF guys.

RUF guy 1: "Holy crap!" Drops scotch and draws Beretta.

Behind him, rest of group produces sidearms and shoot squirrels.

RUF guy 2: "What was that all about?"

RUF guy 3: "Uh, guys..." Points

Spirits rising out of the dead squirrels and heading toward trees on campus across street. The campus is a scene of utter chaos.

RUF guy 4: "I think it's the end of the world."

Pause.

RUF guy 1: "Kick. Ass."

Group runs into house and begins producing firearms from every cabinet and piece of furniture.


Engineering

Continued montage with students fabricating. Sparks fly as Engineering student 1's crew works onthe floor while Student 2 assembles things at an electronics bench.


Chemistry Professor’s office

Goth 1: "Maybe we could lure all the squirrels to where we originally summoned them in the fine arts building and then burn it down."

Professor: "Well, that wouldn't be a huge loss. Still, I don't think it would turn out well for whoever was bait. We'll just have to think of something else.


RUF bachelor pad

RUF guys are still retrieving weapons despite sizable pile of firearms and blades assembled on living room floor.


Chemistry Professor's office

Professor: "I’ve got it!”

Goth 2:  “An exorcism ritual?”

Professor:  “You could say that.”

Laboratory montage.  Every movie needs a montage.

Goth 2:  “It should be one of us going, not you.”

Professor:  “Yes.  It should.  But while I am fairly confident in my math and model of the Misznay-Schardin effect, the fact is no one’s ever managed to synthesize octonitrocubane in kilogram quantities, and I don’t have the time to plasticize it properly, so if someone’s off to meet his Maker, it’s probably better me than some idiot whose last act on earth was summoning a horde of demons.”

Goth 1:  “He may have a point.”

Chem professor:  “On the bright side, if I get out of this alive, I’ve got a great paper for the next ACS conference!  Besides, my hearing’s already damaged anyway.  Now, I just need to get to my bike.”

Security Chief: “But the building's surrounded!”

Professor: “Well, if somebody hadn't insisted that I'm not allowed to park it on an unused strip of sidewalk, it would be closer, now wouldn't it?  At any rate, I suspect some of my 1110 class are going to get some extra credit.”


Outside of Chemistry building

Goth 3 holds up sign in fifth floor window.  First one, then all windows of Biology building are filled with rifle toting rednecks providing cover fire as Chemistry building's basement doors open, belching fire and smoke. Chemistry professor runs through the flames, scattering squirrels as he leaps onto motorcycle and roars away.

Edge-of-seat 15 minute chase scene as squirrel horde follows Professor around campus. Professor flips switch on handlebars as he crisscrosses main quad several times, spewing white powder behind him, before laying the bike down.  Professor dashes to middle of quad and dives into foxhole dug by Goths.  Thirty seconds of horde closing on foxhole.  Camera pans to professor.  Red-eyed Boss squirrel peeks over edge.

Professor, holding up Necronomicon and lit road flare:  “One more step, and I torch your book.”

Squirrel:  “Fool!  What did you hope to accomplish?  We will tear you to shreds and take it.”

Hole is suddenly ringed with waves of red-eyed squirrels.

Professor:  “Well, then, I guess I should just let you have it.”

Professor tosses book out of hole and draws small remote.  Squirrels’ eyes go wide as one.

Pan out to large, badly-CGI’ed explosion.  Pan to ground level as smoke and debris filter down.  Professor walks slowly out of cloud, not even flinching as several cars land behind him with obligatorily exploding gas tanks.

Suddenly, out of the smoke roar two over-sized armored vehicles festooned with weapons, accompanied by a swarm of drones with miniaturized rocket launchers and high-powered lasers. Doors open.

Engineering Student 1: "Where are they? Where'd the little furry bastards go?"

Chemistry Professor: "Relax. I got them all."

Engineering Student 1: "We're too late?"

Chemistry Professor: "Yep. Though if you'd like come up with a way to clean the corpses up..."

Engineering Student 2: "I told you we didn't need to waste all that time on modelling the cutting efficiency!"

Engineering Student 1: "Hey, you were the one who insisted on optimizing the firing rate of the turrets!"

Engineering Student 2: "Hey, can I help it if I have a little thing called 'professional pride'? Maybe you've heard of it?"

Chemistry Professor walks away as students bicker.


3 weeks later

Orange, small-fingered “Real Estate Developer” with bad hairpiece looks over crater

Developer:  "How are we on funds?"

Assistant 1: "Well, since you lost nearly a billion dollars last year, the board is only allowing you $1.5 million a year moving forward."

Developer: "Damn. This could be like the Club Med of the plateau. It’ll be yuuuge.”    

Gust of wind blows hairpiece into pile of squirrel corpses.  Assistant 2 starts fumbling through pile, unable to tell the difference.

Developer:  “$1.5 million should be enough to grease a few palms and get the place condemned, right? Just like the last 2 times?”

Assistant 1:  “It could work.  Tennessee hasn’t reformed eminent domain at all.”

Developer:  “I love those two words.”

Assistant 2 places blob of hair on Developer’s head.

Developer:  “You know what, though?  If I ran for president, I could take everyone’s stuff!  I’d never go bankrupt again!”

Squirrel raises red eyes and smiles.