Texts from my wife II

[Dot] salted [Lump]'s head.


Your daughter just washed her sister's hair in Iodine.  And the carpet.  And their shirts.


Success!  Large quantity of pee made it in the toilet!  In other news, I'd advise not going in sock or bare feet inside for a while.


You know...They were trying to be helpful.  When you leave your scrubs laying 2ft from the laundry hamper, the girls "helped" me by putting your pants into the tub like I had their diapers.  In the tub that just drained bleach water.


[Lump] just gave [Squirt] a fist bump.


[Dot] said the corner of her sandwich was a rocking chair, and was rocking it back and forth.  I think she's developing an imagination.


Me to [Dot]:  "Crackers don't have legs.  You have to have legs to stand up."

[Dot] told me she was "listening to the block's belly" with my stethoscope.

Toddler + Puppy + Splenda = snowstorm in the kitchen.


With picture of half-dressed girls sitting together on blanket.  They are scooting across the floor singing "Row Your Boat."

With picture of [Lump] in collapsible storage container.  I told them to put all the toys in boxes.  Guess [Lump] thinks she's a toy.

[Lump] to me when I tried to straighten out her straw:  "No, don't touch!  You have hot coffee!"

And [Dot] calls Sunny Delight "Sunday juice."

[Dot]'s eyes crossing while she watched the syrup drip from her hair to her nose was pretty cute.

So the girls didn't like how [Squirt] looked.  So they colored his head & (covered) butt orange.

Your middle child is "washing dishes", wearing nothing, yelling, "Rock On!"

Negotiating with [Dot] that her vitamins are done "cooking" and if she doesn't eat them, they'll "burn."

[Dot] to me:  "I not child!  You child!  I parent!"

Discussing ages.  "[Dot]'s 3.  [Squirt]'s 0.  Mommy...*pause*...Mommy's not 3."