R-E-S-P-E-C-T

So the credibility of America has been in the tank for a while.  Syria, ISIS/ISIL/IS/Whatever-they're-called-this-week, Russia, Iran, China, and everyone else who's not our friends have been displaying a tremendous lack of belief in the various red lines, ultimatums, threats, etc that have been issued over the last several years.  There's plenty of theories and blame to go around, but I think it comes down to one thing:

Rides.

This is our Presidents' version of an automotive photo-op:

The "Leader of the Free World"...who's not even allowed to park.

And this is the Queen of England's:

And lest she be confused with the little old lady from Pasadena, she does know how to engage the 4WD:

Now the Queen's old ride went up for sale earlier this year.  I don't know how much it went for, but the upper estimate before the auction was less than $60,000.  That's about a fifth of what the Beast costs.  Shoot, it probably costs over 60 grand in fuel just to ship that colossal chunk of car one way.  You know, given that it has its own plane.

Now, I'm not saying that the president of the United States should cruise around in a foreign-built ride.  That would just be wrong.  Even if the first Land Rover was built on a Willy's frame:

Thievin' Limey Wankers

In previous days, presidents of all stripes cruised in the latest military vehicles:

Left...

...and Right.

Unfortunately, I feel the office has fallen very far since then, and so a president trying to ride in a HMMWV would probably appear to be trying too hard.  So, instead, I move that the Beast be traded in for a Brute:

Hell, yeah.

Quite possibly the greatest incarnation of a Jeep since they did away with the CJ-10, the American Expedition Vehicles' Brute is the perfect Presidential ride.  Of course, the Scrambler does have it's own Presidential heritage.

100% American made, AEV picks them up fresh off the line in Detroit and brings them out here to Montana* for serious modification.  Sure, once you factor in the base Wrangler used, it'll still set you back about $80,000, and that's without up-armoring the thing.  But I still think you could probably come in under half of the cost of a Beast.  And show me a Beast that can do this:

I will see your mudding, Queen, and raise you some Utah crawling.

Of course, the 4-door pick-up version would probably be unsuitable, but that's okay, because the previous iteration of the Brute had the full cab.

Just look at all that leg room!

While we're at it, we should upgrade Marine One.  I mean, this is what our president looks like getting ready to fly off in his helicopter:

And this is what Prince Harry looks like getting ready to fly off in his helicopter:

And that guy's only the fourth in line for the throne.

Again, I recognize that you need a bit of room for a president's advisors, and again I recognize that riding an Apache would look like you're trying too hard, but would a Little Bird be too cramped?

Of course, I guess it would be too much to ask the Secretary of State to ride on the bench.

Sad.



*Okay, so saying "here" in Montana is like saying the factory in Missouri is "close to Tennessee."  It would still be some jobs for my adopted state.